Aged goat cheddar and tomato tart

Aged bandaged goat cheddar, pictured here with lavosh
and two chutneys. The tart itself looked lovely, but got
eaten before anybody could think about taking a photo.

This tart is the perfect accompaniment to any Summer-evening barbecue - we used our second ever aged bandaged goat cheddar, and adapted this recipe to suit the sweeter, tangier flavor of goat cheddar. With thanks to Helen, who produced the milk that made the cheddar, and Mr Farmer, for being on the taste-test panel.

Flaky Cheddar Pastry:

200 g white flour
50 g butter
50 g lard*
25 g aged goat cheddar**, finely grated
1/8 t cayenne pepper
1 t salt
dash freshly cracked black pepper
2 T water

Rub butter and lard into flour, cayenne and salt. Stir in cracked pepper, then mix in water. Leave to rest at room temperature for 15 minutes. Roll out, press into a shallow 26-cm (10 inch) pie tin - the trick is to make the sides extend only a little above the base, as the filling doesn't add much height, and the sides do overcook easily. Cover with baking paper (or tinfoil, if you're out of baking paper), fill with beans (or other small, weighty, oven-proof objects), and bake in a preheated 190°C (370°F) oven for 10 minutes. Remove the baking paper and beans, and bake for a further five minutes. Remove from the oven and leave to cool.

Filling:

6 medium-sized tomatoes, halved
salt, pepper and oil
1 egg
1 t dijon mustard
20 g aged goat cheddar**, finely grated
pinch of thyme

While your pastry is resting, put a little oil, salt and pepper in a baking dish, and place the halved tomatoes cut-side down on top of the oil. Bake for 10 minutes at 190°C (your oven should be conveniently preheated to this temperature at this stage). Remove from the oven and leave to cool - the tomatoes should be soft but not shapeless at this point. In the meantime, beat the egg, and mix with the dijon mustard, thyme and finely-grated goat cheddar. You'll end up with a rather thick mixture - don't panic; it is meant to turn out like this.

Once your pastry and tomatoes have cooled, remove the tomato skins (and cores), and slice the tomatoes in half again. Spread the egg mixture over the cooked pastry shell, then place the tomatoes on top. Cook in a 190°C oven for 20 minutes. You can serve the tart warm, but it really is nicest cold.

*you can use butter (or margarine) in place of lard, but lard makes a wonderful, light pastry.
 **actually, any old cheddar will suffice, but don't tell Helen.

Ewes of the World

If there's scandal on the farm, you can be sure that the Ewes of the World will be there to report it. Shortly before Christmas, they bought exclusive rights to Yortu and Bob's story about the disappearance of their seven chicks (that's why you didn't read about it in the Countryside Chronicle). Ewes of the World also broke scandals such as the Bob-Leghorn-Affair Debacle (exclusive interviews with the Leghorn, purported to have been hired as a nanny for Bob's unborn chicks), and featured an exclusive, tell-all piece on Lecter (who now alleges his dog-and-bone was hacked). They were also the driving force behind the rumors about Vindie-Lou's paternity.

Whitney (far right), alive and kicking, with Arethra (left, with
scurs) and Fritzl's Mum (centre).

The Gossipy Bantams are the primary source of revenue for Ewes of the World. If you visit the chicken coop on a Sunday morning, you'll find (amid the haphazard piles of old Ewes of the World papers with pages dog-eared and torn as a result of greedy, gossip-seeking bantam claws, and cross-words and sudokus filled out, albeit incorrectly) the Gossipy Bantams, glued to the day's copy of Ewes of the World, clucking quietly over the latest scandal.

On Sunday Feb 12, just after the Ewes of the World was delivered, raucous crowing filled the chicken coop. On the front page, Ewes of the World reported that Whitney had been found dead in a bath tub. Speculation was rife; had she been drinking from one of the troughs in the paddock, slipped on the trough-slime that Mr Farmer hadn't cleaned up, and fallen in? Was this the work of the Lecter-like attacker, or the Rural Ripper, trying to disguise the murder as a tragic accident? How would Nicole Ritchie cope with the loss of her mother? And what about Whitney's on-again off-again lover (and father of Nicole) Roger, still in the Intensive Care Unit?

Ewes of the World today issued a retraction. Whitney (pictured) is alive and well, although as a precautionary measure has opted to steer clear of the bathtub troughs and instead drink from the pond. 

Countryside Chronicle February 9th, 2012

Vicious attack on elderly ram: Police fear Lecter-inspired rampage.

Authorities are appealing for sightings of
a sheepish-looking dog carrying a bottle
of mint sauce. Photo: Identikit.

PARAMEDICS today rushed an elderly ram found wounded in the front paddock to intensive care. Roger Ram, a longstanding member of the Fiveacres Flock, is in a critical condition, being treated for lacerations, puncture wounds and flystrike complications.

Local authorities at the Stytion have called in the Farm Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and Chicken Intelligence Agency (CIA), and are appealing for witnesses to the attack. In a press conference this afternoon, investigators would neither confirm nor deny the involvement of the Lecter killer, who is serving a life sentence for the killings of three lambs. Police stated that while Ram fits the profile of Lecter's victims, the MO was generally different, in that Ram was left wounded but not dead. Authorities suspect a copycat killer, and are appealing for sightings of a dog carrying a half-empty bottle of mint sauce, who is a key person of interest to the case. Said Detective Inspector P. Igg, "The attacker has sought to pull the wool over our eyes by mimicking the Lecter killings. We suspect the perp is a youth or adolescent, looking for a sheep thrill; he's gone on a rampage, and it's shear luck that the victim survived." Police also noted that Ram was found without his wallet: "He's been fleeced."

Roger Ram, in a critical but stable
condition in the Intensive Care Unit.

Hospital staff this afternoon confirmed that Ram is in a critical but stable condition. Members of the Fiveacres Flock are being cared for by Victim Support. Anyone with information regarding the killer or person of interest is encourage to contact the local Stytion.