Thursday, 16 February 2012

Ewes of the World

If there's scandal on the farm, you can be sure that the Ewes of the World will be there to report it. Shortly before Christmas, they bought exclusive rights to Yortu and Bob's story about the disappearance of their seven chicks (that's why you didn't read about it in the Countryside Chronicle). Ewes of the World also broke scandals such as the Bob-Leghorn-Affair Debacle (exclusive interviews with the Leghorn, purported to have been hired as a nanny for Bob's unborn chicks), and featured an exclusive, tell-all piece on Lecter (who now alleges his dog-and-bone was hacked). They were also the driving force behind the rumors about Vindie-Lou's paternity.
Whitney (far right), alive and kicking, with Arethra (left, with
scurs) and Fritzl's Mum (centre).
The Gossipy Bantams are the primary source of revenue for Ewes of the World. If you visit the chicken coop on a Sunday morning, you'll find (amid the haphazard piles of old Ewes of the World papers with pages dog-eared and torn as a result of greedy, gossip-seeking bantam claws, and cross-words and sudokus filled out, albeit incorrectly) the Gossipy Bantams, glued to the day's copy of Ewes of the World, clucking quietly over the latest scandal.
On Sunday Feb 12, just after the Ewes of the World was delivered, raucous crowing filled the chicken coop. On the front page, Ewes of the World reported that Whitney had been found dead in a bath tub. Speculation was rife; had she been drinking from one of the troughs in the paddock, slipped on the trough-slime that Mr Farmer hadn't cleaned up, and fallen in? Was this the work of the Lecter-like attacker, or the Rural Ripper, trying to disguise the murder as a tragic accident? How would Nicole Ritchie cope with the loss of her mother? And what about Whitney's on-again off-again lover (and father of Nicole) Roger, still in the Intensive Care Unit?
Ewes of the World today issued a retraction. Whitney (pictured) is alive and well, although as a precautionary measure has opted to steer clear of the bathtub troughs and instead drink from the pond. 

1 comment:

  1. A wise choice, no doubt. Stay away from the bathtub at all costs. If anyone complains, hand them a nasal-right strip.