Countryside Chronicle February 9th, 2012

Vicious attack on elderly ram: Police fear Lecter-inspired rampage.

Authorities are appealing for sightings of
a sheepish-looking dog carrying a bottle
of mint sauce. Photo: Identikit.

PARAMEDICS today rushed an elderly ram found wounded in the front paddock to intensive care. Roger Ram, a longstanding member of the Fiveacres Flock, is in a critical condition, being treated for lacerations, puncture wounds and flystrike complications.

Local authorities at the Stytion have called in the Farm Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and Chicken Intelligence Agency (CIA), and are appealing for witnesses to the attack. In a press conference this afternoon, investigators would neither confirm nor deny the involvement of the Lecter killer, who is serving a life sentence for the killings of three lambs. Police stated that while Ram fits the profile of Lecter's victims, the MO was generally different, in that Ram was left wounded but not dead. Authorities suspect a copycat killer, and are appealing for sightings of a dog carrying a half-empty bottle of mint sauce, who is a key person of interest to the case. Said Detective Inspector P. Igg, "The attacker has sought to pull the wool over our eyes by mimicking the Lecter killings. We suspect the perp is a youth or adolescent, looking for a sheep thrill; he's gone on a rampage, and it's shear luck that the victim survived." Police also noted that Ram was found without his wallet: "He's been fleeced."

Roger Ram, in a critical but stable
condition in the Intensive Care Unit.

Hospital staff this afternoon confirmed that Ram is in a critical but stable condition. Members of the Fiveacres Flock are being cared for by Victim Support. Anyone with information regarding the killer or person of interest is encourage to contact the local Stytion.