Friday, 4 November 2011

Snoods, scandals and summonses

Bob is a handsome turkey - or so he would tell you. He spends hours, all puffed up, snood extended, admiring himself in the reflection of the conservatory. This self-admiration is only a recent activity; a few weeks ago, Bob spent hours, all puffed up, snood extended, strutting around behind Yortu. Anywhere Yortu went, Bob would be there, right behind her, all puffed up, snood extended, with that dreamy, yearning-turkey look in his eyes.

Bob in Handsome Turkey Mode 
(certain members of the farm find this a little creepy)

Martha's double-yoker - not idle
gossip after all.
Finally, Bob's relentless attention got to Yortu. Yortu laid some eggs and pretended to nest, just so that she could get some alone time. Eventually however, Yortu grew tired of listening to the idle gossip of the bantams (did you know that Marcy laid a double-yoker yesterday?), and so Yortu abandoned her nest, only to discover Bob, all puffed up, snood extended, with that dreamy, yearning-turkey look in his eyes, following one of the leghorns around. The guinea fowl thought the whole situation was terribly funny, until Yortu (who used to be a member of their gang, and remains an associate) voiced her displeasure and stormed off in a huff.

Since the incident, Bob has done his best to make it up to Yortu, following her around, day and night, all puffed up, snood extended, with a guilty look in his eyes. We've even caught him sneaking into the house, undoubtably in search of a telephone on which to order his jilted lover a bunch of forgive-me flowers. Despite the aforementioned leghorn's best efforts to keep a low profile, she has still been labeled a harlot and a home-wrecker by certain gossiping bantams.

Notwithstanding Bob's continued efforts to woo Yortu, with his extended snood, puffed-up feathers, and folds of skin that change from bright red to brilliant blue with the twitch of a feather, Yortu has been giving Bob the cold shoulder. This isn't just idle bantam-gossip - the two turkey eggs that made their way into last night's experimental quiche were both cold and unfertilized**. Indeed, Bob was also spotted, deflated and with short snood, chatting to Albie about his now purposeless existence - an interesting choice of companionship, given that Albie doesn't exactly enjoy Farm Stud status himself. Mr Farmer, who likes to look out for the other males on the farm, and was no doubt worried about Albie's ability as a counsellor, stepped in and came up with a solution - he invited Bob and Yortu to join us for Christmas dinner.

...Ever so slightly comical.
Since Mr Farmer's invitation, Bob has been practicing his feather-puffing and snood-showing in front of the reflective conservatory windows with newfound enthusiasm, in order to regain his Studly Allure (and resultant Purpose On The Farm). Mr Farmer's invitation seemed to be just what Yortu needed, too, to give Bob a second chance, as Yortu has been spotted eyeing up Bob's reflection with a very approving stare, from just behind the flax bush, out of sight from prying bantam eyes.

**For those who are curious, the turkey eggs were rich and tasty, and the experimental quiche was a success.


  1. Clearly Bob needs a more exotic name. Something like Sting. Something that says 'I am a Rock star, baby.' Then everyone would want his attention - even those gossipy Bantams.

  2. Marigold, you always have the answer. But I have a feeling Bob will not be the only animal on the farm to adopt the smooth, suave pseudonym 'Sting'!

  3. Ah, I see. Sting 2, or should I say Sting A. L. B. I. E? And maybe, just maybe, MR. Sting?

  4. Exactly. Sting, Sting 2, and Mr. Sting are pleased with their new rockstar identities. Yortu and Helen...well, we'll have to wait and see how impressed they are with their new rockstar admirers.