Kid bucks the trend: No carseat

Blue Vein, all grown up.

Proud parents Helen and Shelford were today inundated with requests for parenting advice, after their kid announced he was moving out, getting a job, and paying his own rent. Helen confided that she thought her son Blue Vein was just kidding when he first made the announcement. "After a while," said Helen, "I could tell he was serious - no butts about it."

Said an excited Blue Vein "I've been milking it at home for long enough. I don't know whether I will return. It's exciting to be able to earn some doe. I'm looking forward to visiting the baas."

The rest of the interview was not reported, as Blue Vein kept butting in and bleating on.

Creamy baked custard (with goat's milk, no added cream)

Goat milk baked custard - light, creamy, sweet and quick.

A light, creamy dessert for two - a quick but decadent alternative to using your goat's
milk for cheese.

1 C goat* milk
2 egg yolks, at room temperature
1 whole egg, at room temperature
2 T caster sugar
1/8 t vanilla essence
1/2 t brown sugar**

Preheat the oven to 200°C (392°F). Place two large-ish ramekins (to hold about 1 1/2 C liquid - this is larger than your average ramekin) on top of a tea towel, in a roasting dish (anything with high sides). Sprinkle the brown sugar on the bottom of each ramekin (1/4 t per ramekin).

Heat the milk over a low heat until almost simmering (if you see steam coming off the top, you're there - do not let it boil). Turn the heat off. Leave to cool 5 minutes.

While the milk cools, combine sugar, egg yolks and egg with a fork (not a whisk - the fork incorporates minimal air into the mix, which makes for a smooth custard).

When milk has cooled for 5 minutes, stir in the vanilla essence and pour very gradually into the egg mixture, stirring gently but constantly with your fork. The warm milk helps the eggs to begin cooking - but be careful to pour gradually, so you don't cook the eggs too quickly (which will cause your custard to curdle). Once combined, pour into your ramekins (you can do this through a strainer to enhance the smooth texture of the custard, but we always forget to).

Place ramekins in roasting dish in the oven. Fill a jug with hot water from the tap, and pour the hot water into the roasting dish to reach the same level as the custard inside the ramekins. The aim is to prevent direct heat on the custard - hence the tea towel underneath the ramekins.

Reduce heat to 160°C (320°F). Bake 30 minutes, or until a butter knife inserted into the custard comes out relatively clean. The custard will still be slightly wobbly in the middle (but remember that it keeps cooking outside the oven).

Remove ramekins from the water, and refrigerate. Serve lukewarm or cold, depending on how long you can make yourself wait. Enjoy.

Thank your friendly milk-producing goat and dedicated egg-laying hens with grain.

*Or whole cow's milk - just don't tell Helen.
**Or use 1/8 t nutmeg, or even both...

Happy Families

Proud parents Helen and Shelford having a lazy Sunday morning
by the wood pile with new kid Blue Vein (Bluey)

True Blue Vein

Helen (centre rear), tiny little Bluey (left) and buck Shelford,
a happy family.

It was a love story that rivaled Will and Kate, and maybe even Kanye and Kim. Helen von Danswan, heart-broken widow, found love on the internet when the short-but-handsome Alpine buck Shelford answered her ad in the lonely hearts column. Love at first sight was followed by a whirlwind romance; Helen and Shelford have been inseparable since Shelford arrived at Fiveacres early in March.

But whirlwind romances attract gossip like poorly-fenced vegetable gardens attract goats; when Helen's midline began to expand, whispers of pregnancy could be heard all over Fiveacres. This morning, Fiveacres awoke to the news that Helen had gone into labour and delivered the couple's first kid, one four-and-a-half pound Blue Vein.

Oat, linseed, sesame and oregano crackers

Feed your farmer with these healthy, grainy crackers:

For the crackers:
2 C plain flour
2/3 C wholemeal flour
1/2 C rolled oats
3 T linseed
3 T sesame seed
3 T fresh oregano, chopped (or 3 t dried)
4 T oil
2 t salt
cracker pepper (about 30 twists of the pepper grinder, or to your taste)
1 C hot water

For the topping:
cracked sea salt

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C).

Thoroughly mix all cracker ingredients to form a stiff dough. Turn out onto a lightly floured bench, shape into a ball, then divide into eight. Roll each eighth of dough into a sort-of square, about 8 by 10 inches (20 by 25 cm), then cut into smaller squares and place on a large tray (this recipe makes about four tray-fulls). Unless you are incredibly patient, your bigger and smaller squares won't be quite square - we think the almost-square look adds to the rustic farm-fresh look. Sprinkle cracked sea salt over the top (or, for more decadent crackers, brush lightly with oil and then sprinkle with cracked sea salt). Bake 15 to 17 minutes, until golden.

Cool and store in an air-tight container. These crackers are tasty on their own, or served with your favorite goat's fresh cheese, and some chutney.

Grass always greener: Ram discharged from hospital

Roger Ram working the camera after his release from hospital.

Fiveacres today rejoiced as Roger Ram was discharged from hospital. Said Dr. Shepherd: "It was shear determination on Ram's part. We didn't think he would make it - he sure pulled the wool over our eyes."

Meanwhile, Ram's young son Molasses is sheepish after Ewes of the World lampooned him for shearing his desire to know what was in Ram's last wool and testament. Molasses maintains that there is no truth to the reports, and that Ewes of the World is simply spinning yarns.

Shovels all over Fiveacres breathed a collective sigh of relief, as did Mr Farmer.

BREAKING NEWES: Roger Ram in critical condition

Ram and some of his flock, in younger, healthier days.

Close friends and flock of Roger Ram, Fiveacres flock leader, are tonight keeping vigil at Ram's bedside as it emerged that Ram's health condition was "critical." Ram was rushed to hospital in a stock truck earlier today - he is  estimated to be nearly 70 sheep years of age (13 human years). Ewes of the World reported that a journalist had herd Dr. Shepherd advise the chaplain it was time to shear the newes of Ram's critical condition with the flock. Fleece Street Papparazzi continue to line the wools of the hospital waiting in anticipation for newes of Ram's progress.

Mr Farmer keeps looking reluctantly at the shovel.

Pleasant pheasant and apple meatballs

Pheasant meatballs. Perfect partners with free-range eggs
and a good hollandaise sauce.

Pheasants are so lean and mean that even Mr Farmer says they can be tough (and everyone at Fiveacres will tell you that Mr Farmer is pretty tough himself). But there is a softer side to everyone - even Mr Farmer. Serve these tender, flavorsome pheasant meatballs on mash or fresh bread, with green beans, a poached egg, and hollandaise sauce.

If you are all out of pheasant, just use a small whole chicken.

Pheasant and Apple Meatballs

1 small onion
2 T butter
half a pheasant, roasted*
3/4 apple, cored but not peeled**
1 rasher shoulder bacon, rind removed but fat*** intact
100 g fresh bread
1/2 t salt

Put the onion through the mincer, or (if you don't have a mincer) chop finely. Melt butter in a pan and gently fry the onion until translucent but not brown.
Put the pheasant meat, apple, and bacon through the mincer. Put the bread through the mincer last, to clean it out. If you don't have a mincer, finely chop the pheasant and bacon, grate the apple, and make the fresh bread into breadcrumbs.
Mix cooked onion, pheasant meat, apple, bacon, bread and salt. Wet your hands with cold water****, and shape into walnut-sized balls.
Bake in a 300°F (150°C) oven for about 20 minutes, or until just golden brown on the outside. We like to use a Maxwell Williams Microstoven quiche dish - non-stick cookware to which superglue would not adhere.

Enjoy - on a salad, or (our favorite) with a fresh poached egg, hollandaise sauce, green beans and Mr Farmer's top-secret potato mash. If Mr Farmer won't share his mash recipe (we did ask, and he says he  won't), use toasted fresh bread.

*when roasting your pheasant, pour some cider and white wine in the bottom of the pan, and stuff the pheasant with a cored, quartered, un-peeled apple
**use the apple that was used to stuff the pheasant - usually this is only half an apple in total (we challenge you to fit more into your pheasant), so you'll need an additional quarter. We like Pacific Rose or Braeburn, but any sweet apple will do.
***some of us at Fiveacres don't usually like fat, but pheasant is so lean that it needs the fat for tenderness and flavor. Bacon fat is perfect, as it doesn't have an overpowering flavor or texture.
****this helps to keep the meatball mix from sticking to your hands. Really.

Guinea fowl gang leaders in remand on suspicion of racketeering

 

FIVEACRES: Guinea Fowl Gang president Karl O'Gambino and sergeant in arms Alexander (Al) Capone - both wanted for alleged abduction and racketeering - are tonight being held in the Stytion jail, charged with home invasion and theft. The pair were apprehended this afternoon stealing food inside the chicken house.

The gang - suspected of orchestrating unprovoked attacks on the local laying hens - came to the attention of the Farmyard Bureau of Investigation (FBI) after the disappearance of a young brown leghorn hen several weeks ago. Just prior to her disappearance, the leghorn had agreed to act as a witness to the guinea fowl's involvement in the gangland-style assaults. Fiveacres Stytion released a statement alleging fowl play in the young hen's disappearance.

Says one concerned Fiveacres hen, who wished to remain anonymous, "the chicken community are thrilled at the news that the guinea fowl are behind bars - we hens have been laying low since the attacks started. Our rooster has been crowing about the arrests all day. It's great that the Guinea Fowl Gang can't hatch any more evil plans."

Investigators say they cannot rule out further charges being laid against the gang leaders.

Alberto von Danswan's last laugh

After a Summer so drought-stricken that farmers all over the country swore they had never experienced anything so dry, Mother Nature unleashed rain so torrential that rivers all over the country broke their banks, flooding paddocks, breaking fences, and causing the death of hundreds of innocent Salmon. Farmers all over the country swore it had never been so wet.

Mid-way through some of the worst weather Mr Farmer has seen this year, Big Suffolk proudly announced the birth of twins, Molasses and Moonshine. Two small lambs with over-sized ears, little black hooves, and big, dark brown splotches on their coats. Two small lambs who looked distinctly like a certain goat we used to know...

Roger Ram thinks someone's pulled the wool over his eyes. Big Suffolk is a bit sheepish, but she ain't sayin' nothin' about what she got up to five months ago.

Bereavements

VON DANSWAN, Alberto. 

Passed away 10 January, 2013, in a tragic accident. Absent father of Feta and Vindie Lou von Danswan, and estranged lover of Helen. You will be missed by everyone, even Roger Ram.

Apricot-cherry-glazed manuka-smoked ham

Peter (front, center), excelling in his culinary career, with
colleagues new potatoes (back, left) and salad (back, right).

After the recent controversy surrounding the murder of De Ceased, Peter and Paul quit their jobs at the Fiveacres Stytion, and went on to pursue a culinary career (with a little help and encouragement from Mr Farmer). They were a wild success, particularly at Christmas dinner:

Mr Farmer's Apricot-Cherry-Glazed Manuka-Smoked Ham

For the manuka-smoked ham:
1 leg pork
8 t pink salt (Colorquik or Prague Powder #1)
4 L boiling water
3/4 C non-iodized salt (or 1 1/2 C kosher salt)
2 C brown sugar

Dissolve sugar, salt and pink salt in boiling water, then set aside to cool. Once the brine has cooled completely, put your pork leg(s) in. Leave to brine in the fridge 1 day per 300 g.

Remove from the brine, and cold smoke over manuka wood chips.

Or, visit your local supermarket or butcher for a pre-prepared leg of ham, bone-in.

For the apricot-cherry glaze
150 g apricot jam
2 T cherry brandy
2 T whisky
1 T wholegrain mustard

Combine all ingredients over a low heat, and stir until mixed.

For the finished ham
Cut around the shank of the ham, then gently push the skin of the ham away from the fat layer. Lightly criss-cross the skin. Spread glaze over the layer of fat, and over the skin. Bake at 175°C for 1 hour, basting every ten minutes. Drain the glaze from the ham after cooking and use as a sauce - either as it comes, or strained and thickened with a little cornflour.

Pig out on your ham warm or cold.

Mozzarella Capra (American style)

Fresh mozzarella capra -
delicious with tomato and
basil, if your basil survives
dust-bathing chickens (ours
didn't)

Helen had almost banned mozzarella making, because until recently, it had always ended in dismal failure, and wasted milk. Then one Sunday, for no apparent reason, a real American* mozzarella emerged from the farmhouse kitchen.

Mozzarella cabra - ingredients

4 L goat milk
1 1/4 t citric acid
1/2 t rennet dissolved in 1/4 C water

1. Heat the milk to 88°F. Just before the milk reaches 88°F, sprinkle the citric acid over the top** and stir in. When the milk reaches 88°F, stir in the rennet.

2. Sit for an hour, or until a clean break is achieved. During this time, prepare your brine - combine 8 oz (225 g)  salt with 1 quart (1 liter) of boiled water. Leave to cool (in the fridge or freezer, if need be).

3. When a clean break is achieved, cut curds into 1" (2.4 cm) squares, and drain off a little whey, leaving enough to cover the curds. Sit for 10 minutes.

4. Stir the curds, and cut any that didn't get cut into 1" squares. Heat slowly to 108°F (this is easiest done by placing your pot of curds in a sink or bucket of hot water), and stand at 108°F for 40 minutes, occasionally stirring gently. During this time your curds will matt together and become slightly elastic.

5. Over a stove, heat curds and whey to 140°F, kneading with a spoon whilst heating:

5 a. The curds will knit together - fold them over and press into one another with a spoon. Between 120 and 130°F the curds will become increasingly elastic - dangle them off the edge of your spoon to start stretching them:

Curds at 120°F - starting to get pliable

130°F - starting to get elastic
(but still a long way to go)

Stretchy - almost there...

Smoother and stretchier - progress!

Approaching 140°F...

 5 b. Eventually (by 140°F), you will be able to stretch the curds with two hands:

Stretch! at 140°F, very elastic
(no hands pictured,
as one is busy operating the camera)

Should the curds lose their stretch, simply dip back in the hot whey, fold with your spoon, then resume kneading.

5 c. Knead and stretch until your curds are shiny and smooth.

Brine - fresh mozzarella still shows
the layers from stretching.

6. Drop your ball of mozzarella into the cold brine and leave for 10 to 30 minutes, depending on how salty you like it.

7. Reassure your goat that her milk didn't go to waste - this time.

8. Apologize to the pigs, who have always enjoyed failed mozzarella in the past.

Store*** fresh mozzarella in the fridge. A perfectly successful batch of mozzarella will melt when heated. Less successful batches retain their shape somewhat under heat, but are apparently still perfectly edible.

*The difference between American and Italian mozzarella appears to be due to the addition of citric acid in American mozzarella - the citric acid speeds up the acidification process quite significantly. With Italian mozzarella, acidification occurs due to the use of a slower-acting culture (like buttermilk).


**If the citric acid is not stirred into the milk very quickly, it will cause the milk to curdle instantly. If this happens, don't panic - your curds will look funny and wobbly when you cut them (it won't look like a proper clean break, no matter how long you wait), but your mozzarella should still turn out just fine.

***Fresh mozzarella has a limited shelf life. Over the next few weeks, Helen and I will try brining mozzarella, to make it last longer.

Share milking

Better with Feta, in moderation, at least.

Mr Farmer wants a holiday, but Helen needs to be milked every day, twice a day, twelve hours apart. The solution to the problem is obvious: Mr Farmer needs to take Helen on holiday with him.

Neither Mr Farmer nor Helen like the solution. Mr Farmer says he can't take a goat on holiday. Helen says she wouldn't want to go on holiday with Mr Farmer, even if he begged. Unless, of course, Mr Farmer was holidaying in a hay barn or at the Fiskens' grain-processing plant, but Helen doubts that Mr Farmer has this sort of exciting holiday in mind.

A second solution is proposed: Mr Farmer needs to hire a relief milker, to cover milking duties in his absence. An ad is placed in the Countryside Chronicle (and in Ewes of the World, for good measure), and several applicants apply. One applicant shines through - an applicant with extensive milking experience - an applicant who is willing to milk Helen at least twice a day, if not more. In what may be a first at Fiveacres, Helen and Mr Farmer are in agreement: They have found their ideal relief milker.

Feta is offered a trial, and accepts instantly. Her first week goes without a hitch - Feta takes two litres every day, and leaves two for cheese. Mr Farmer and Helen are relieved - pleased, even - and decide to offer Feta a temporary share milking contract until she begins her relief milking over Christmas. Feta accepts, and even offers to take on extra duties on weekends (and all other times when Mr Farmer wants to sleep in or stay out late).

Things go downhill after the contract is signed. Feta forgets that her job title is share milker, and drinks almost all the milk, every day. There is barely enough left for Mr Farmer's coffee. Mr Farmer has a conundrum: he wants a holiday, but does not like black coffee.

Additionally, Feta gets bored between milkings. To pass the time, Feta teaches herself to jump on top of her house. When that becomes easy, Feta tries to jump from the top of her house onto Helen's back. Over the course of the week, Feta perfects the technique, and begins to wonder about her chances at the Olympics. Helen is not impressed, and suggests that Mr Farmer forgo his holiday and dismiss Feta under the 90-day-trial law. Kids are such hard work, says Helen. Even harder work than farmers.

Another solution is proposed: Feta is to be employed only between the hours of 6.30 pm and 6.30 am. At other times, she is to be put into daycare. Feta will commence full-time employment only when Mr Farmer goes on holiday. Helen likes this solution, because it means she can live the life of a young, attractive and care-free goat during the day. Mr Farmer likes this solution, because it means there is sufficient milk for coffee and cheese. Feta does not like this solution, but is distracted when she discovers that she can jump up the side of the big a-frame goat house and almost make it to the top.

The solution works well, but soon - as always happens on the farm - another problem rears its ugly head: Someone has started a rumor about a permanent sharemilking position for Feta.

Cotija Cabra

Cotija - a burrito's best friend.

Cotija is a hard cheese traditionally made with cow milk. Although everything is better with goat milk (according to Feta), this recipe for cotija can be made with cow milk.

For a step-by-step guide with pictures, see this page, or continue below for the recipe:

2 L goat milk

1 T yogurt

1/8 t rennet, in 1 T water

1/2 to 1 T salt (to taste)

Heat milk to 86°F, add yogurt, ripen one hour. Add rennet to water, rest while the milk ripens.

After an hour, add rennet to milk, whisk. Rest at about 86°F for 45 minutes.

Cut curds into quarter-inch squares, rest 10 minutes, then stir gently.

Slowly heat the curds and whey to 95°F - this should take about 20 minutes. Rest five minutes.

Drain curds.

Hold curds at 95°F for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Drain off any whey that is expelled from the curds during this time.

Stir in salt.

Place curds into a cheese-cloth-lined mold, then press:

- 2.25 kg for 10 minutes, flip cheese, press another 10 minutes with the same weight

- 4.5 kg for 60 minutes

- 7.5 kg for 12 hours

While the cheese is pressing, prepare a brine of 1 1/2 C salt and 1 quart (about 1 liter) water.

Remove from press, and soak in cold brine overnight. Age in a cool, dry cupboard for two weeks.

Serve grated over slow-cooked pulled pork and black beans.

Thanksgiving: A murder mystery

The accused, Trusty Sidekick, with one of the victim's
siblings, in happier times.

The trial of the dog accused of killing turkey chick De Ceased began in Fiveacres Court today. Trusty Sidekick was released on bail after her arrest last week on suspicion of murder, having being caught carrying a lifeless and wounded De Ceased in her mouth.

The prosecution allege that Sidekick, suspected to be a prospect in the Mongrel Mob, was put up to the killing by convicted murderer Lecter.

After Sidekick and her legal team entered a not guilty plea, an outburst of fowl language saw parents of the victim, Tiff and Bob Turkey, removed from the dock.

Sidekick's legal team claim that De Ceased was the victim of neglect by his parents, and pointed to the De Licious debacle, the disappearance of the victim's sibling, and the fact that Chicken and Young Fowl Services (CYF) had already removed 20 newly-hatched chicks from Tiff and Bob's care prior to the incident.

Sidekick gave evidence that she had heard the cries of an injured turkey chick in the neighboring paddock, and had found De Ceased, apparently abandoned and badly wounded. Sidekick stated that she gently gathered the young turkey in her mouth and rushed him to Fiveacres to seek medical attention. Despite her dogged efforts, De Ceased died in Sidekick's mouth before she reached the boundary fence.

An egg-spert for-hen-sic investigator testified that De Ceased's wounds were consistent with puncture marks caused by teeth, but that the teeth could have been those of a cat, rat, stoat or dog.

The prosecution today issued a statement that the defense's argument was merely a cheep shot at grieving parents. The trial continues next week.

Halloumi

Halloumi, with good friends Greek salad and
lemon-garlic dressing

(and a bit of ricotta)

4 L goat milk
1 t rennet dissolved in 1 t water
10 T salt

1. Heat milk to 95°F (35°C).
2. Add the rennet dissolved in water, and whisk in. Cover and leave to sit 1 hour, or until a clean break is achieved.
3. Cut the curds into 1" squares, and rest 10 minutes.
4. Spoon the curds out to drain in a cheesecloth - retain the whey (you'll need it all). Leave the curds to hang for 24 hours.
5. Meanwhile, combine 4 C whey with the salt, and refrigerate - this makes your brine. Refrigerate the rest of the whey - you'll need it for cooking your curds.
6. After the curds have hung for 24 hours, cut them into chunks. We cut our curds into four, giving us chunks 1" thick.
7. Heat the whey to 194°F (90°C) - watch the temperature closely, and don't exceed 203°F (95°C). As the whey heats, ricotta will start to form on the surface. You can skim this off and put aside - or ignore it (it makes only a small amount, which annoys Mr Farmer, but it is very tasty).
8. Cook the curds in the whey for 30 minutes, watching the temperature closely. The chunks of curd should be almost spongy after cooking.
9. Remove the curds from the whey, drain until cool, then add to brine. Leave 24 hours, to let the flavor develop.
10. Give a treat to the generous goat who provided you with the milk.

Better with Feta

Spring came. The sheep gave birth, the chicks hatched, and the grass grew. Helen's tummy got bigger and bigger, but no goat kids arrived.

Helen had been living with Albie throughout Winter. Albie was sure he was the father of the unborn kid - after all, Roger hadn't been anywhere near Helen. Roger replied that in that case, it had to be a phantom pregnancy.

Helen kept silent, until this afternoon, when Feta was born. Albie was elated. There was nothing sheepish about Feta. Roger had to agree. Little Feta was decidedly goaty. It was the nose, Roger said. Roman. And the ears. They were big - Nubian, almost. Yes, said Roger, little Feta looked just like a goat he knew. That one that Helen used to hang around with. Yes, said Roger, Feta looks just like Helen's ex-boyfriend Trevor.

Caprino Romano

Ugly but delicious: caprino romano (a first attempt)

With thanks to Helen, who provided the milk last year (and Albie, who was indirectly involved in milk production).

for the cheese:
4 L goats milk
1/4 t rennet
1/2 C acidophilus yogurt (we use De Winkel)

for the brine:
1.5 C salt
4 C hot water

Heat milk to 32°C, stir in culture. Ripen 1 hour, covered.
Meanwhile, dissolve rennet in 3 to 4 T water. Once milk has ripened, add rennet to milk, whisk in thoroughly.
Leave 90 minutes, or until a clean break is obtained.
Cut curds into 1/4" cubes, rest 10 minutes.
Raise the temperature very slowly to 46°C, to dry out the curds. This should take about 45 minutes. Stir the curds gently every few minutes, to prevent them from matting together.
Once 46°C is reached, drain*, place curds in a cheesecloth-lined mold.
Press at 4.5kg for 30 minutes.
Flip, press at 11.4kg for 3 hours.
Press at 18 kg for 12 hours. When you start this stage, prepare your brine (this gives the brine enough time to cool).
Remove cheese from press, and carefully peel off cheesecloth**.
Float in cold brine for 12 hours, flipping at least 3 times.
Remove, pat dry, and age in a cool, dry space*** for at least 5 months. During the first two weeks of aging, flip the cheese daily. Thereafter, flip weekly, or whenever you remember.

Apparently you can age for up to a year, if you have the patience. The result after about 6 months of aging is a subtle, mild, but tasty Romano.

If you find your cheese is developing mold on the outside, remove the mold (with salt and vinegar, or a knife), and rub the outside with salt.

Romano is a great substitute for Parmesan cheese - perfect grated fresh over pasta, or added sparingly to a pizza. We have continued to keep ours in the cheese cupboard, and not in the fridge.

*Our recipe said to hold at 46°C for 30 to 45 minutes before draining, but we couldn't get the curds to matt together afterwards, so we skipped this step the second time around, with a much better result.

**Some recipes suggest piercing the cheese all over with a fork before brining, presumably to allow the salty brine to get into the cheese. We weren't sure ours would stand up to the fork treatment, but will try this next time.

***Mr Farmer was kind enough to install a metal rack in the top of our former vacuum cleaner cupboard. The former vacuum cleaner cupboard - now the cheese cupboard - is cool, dark, airy, and (relative to other areas of the house) has low humidity. It is perfect for aging the cheese, although the now-homeless vacuum cleaner feels slightly jilted.

Why you should never transplant carrots