Guinea fowl gang leaders in remand on suspicion of racketeering

 

FIVEACRES: Guinea Fowl Gang president Karl O'Gambino and sergeant in arms Alexander (Al) Capone - both wanted for alleged abduction and racketeering - are tonight being held in the Stytion jail, charged with home invasion and theft. The pair were apprehended this afternoon stealing food inside the chicken house.

The gang - suspected of orchestrating unprovoked attacks on the local laying hens - came to the attention of the Farmyard Bureau of Investigation (FBI) after the disappearance of a young brown leghorn hen several weeks ago. Just prior to her disappearance, the leghorn had agreed to act as a witness to the guinea fowl's involvement in the gangland-style assaults. Fiveacres Stytion released a statement alleging fowl play in the young hen's disappearance.

Says one concerned Fiveacres hen, who wished to remain anonymous, "the chicken community are thrilled at the news that the guinea fowl are behind bars - we hens have been laying low since the attacks started. Our rooster has been crowing about the arrests all day. It's great that the Guinea Fowl Gang can't hatch any more evil plans."

Investigators say they cannot rule out further charges being laid against the gang leaders.

Alberto von Danswan's last laugh

After a Summer so drought-stricken that farmers all over the country swore they had never experienced anything so dry, Mother Nature unleashed rain so torrential that rivers all over the country broke their banks, flooding paddocks, breaking fences, and causing the death of hundreds of innocent Salmon. Farmers all over the country swore it had never been so wet.

Mid-way through some of the worst weather Mr Farmer has seen this year, Big Suffolk proudly announced the birth of twins, Molasses and Moonshine. Two small lambs with over-sized ears, little black hooves, and big, dark brown splotches on their coats. Two small lambs who looked distinctly like a certain goat we used to know...

Roger Ram thinks someone's pulled the wool over his eyes. Big Suffolk is a bit sheepish, but she ain't sayin' nothin' about what she got up to five months ago.