Lonely turkey hen finds Prince Charming

Turkey eggs - no relation of Yortu or Bob.

Yortu the traveling turkey arrived on the farm in early July. At that time, she was a lonely turkey hen, searching for somebody to love her. Although Yortu had long believed that Mr Right would be a turkey, the wit and charm of the Guinea Fowl was too much for Yortu to resist, and she moved right on in.

Although the Guinea Fowl can indeed be charming and witty, they have developed a bad reputation around the farm as being bullies and scoundrels. Certain members of the farm were worried that the Guinea Fowl had taken advantage of Yortu's loneliness and burning desire to belong, and so Yortu was set up on a date with a handsome young turkey named Bob.

Bob was a 6-month-old turkey from a stable, family-oriented background. He had everything that a lonely turkey like Yortu could possibly want - looks, no brains, and a reasonably-sized snood. Yortu was smitten from the moment Bob arrived on the farm (August 13), and Bob could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of a lonely turkey hen, just waiting to be swept off her feet. Bob went bright red and started gobbling, and Yortu puffed up her feathers and did the most sultry walk she could muster past Bob's cage. The pair have been inseparable ever since, but the relationship has clearly become more serious than just a couple of lonely turkeys having a good time. Marriage might even be on the cards, although sources say that it could well be a shotgun wedding. The reason for this rumour? Yesterday, two large, speckled turkey eggs were spotted in the agapanthus opposite the chicken house.

The mating game

There is great scandal on the farm. When Spring began, everyone thought that all the new-borns had already arrived. Everyone except for Roger's daughter Little Romney, that is - Little Romney had a big secret. Little Romney's big secret arrived yesterday - in the shape of a tiny wee boy named Fritzl.

Fritzl, the only lamb to actually enjoy a cuddle with a farmer.

There is some confusion over how Fritzl came to be. Little Romney is keeping mum, but there are really only two suspects (possibly three, if you recall that Mr Farmer is from Southland, but he claims to have an alibi).

Roger the ram is the most obvious suspect, but he has always been able to be trusted with his daughters. He's always said he would never go there, and certainly, none of his daughters have ever had a Fritzl before. However, a google search would have revealed to Roger that inbreeding is quite acceptable on some farms, especially when you call it linebreeding. Certainly, Roger and Little Romney both have genes to be proud of...

Albie the buck is the least likely suspect, but the evidence for his paternity is compelling. Little Romney and Roger are both white all over, but Fritzl has a black nose and a brown patch on his ear (not pictured). Fritzl is also unusually friendly and calm for a lamb, and is quite content to sleep in a patch of long grass while his mum goes off and eats - just like a goat kid. Nobody thought that sort of thing was actually possible, but according to Wikipedia (and a number of other sources), goats and sheep have been getting together since 1969. In fact, it would seem that Fritzl wouldn't be the first shoat/geep to be born in New Zealand - even if you exclude the nasty rumour that Roger started about Vindie-Lou. Finally, there has been much friction between Albie and Roger, over Helen, and everyone is quite convinced that impregnating Roger's daughter would be Albie's ultimate revenge (especially if the rumour about Vindie-Lou is true).

In any case, little Fritzl's mum seems quite happy to raise her son on her own (despite questions from a certain farmer after Little Romney lost her son in the paddock today - but sheep are not known for their excellent memory). Nobody has been tactless enough to mention the daddy-identity issue to Fritzl. Helen is also adamant that Albie really is Vindie-Lou's biological father.

Spring rush

Vindie-Lou, some days prior to her departure.

Apparently, Spring was not worth waiting for. The lambs, Vindie-Lou, and the piglets all arrived weeks before Spring did. Even the first daffodil was early. So when Spring arrived nine days ago, nobody took much notice, except Albie, who started rutting (apparently in preparation for Autumn, after he heard Mr Farmer talking about how prior planning prevents poor performance).

Then, things on the farm started getting busy. Vindie-Lou moved up north to live on 23 acres, with five human kids and two calves. Trusty Sidekick enjoyed having another small, energetic white animal around, and will miss Vindie. Helen took it well, surprisingly - it is rumoured that this had a lot to do with Vindie's dental development, and with Mrs Farmer's contrastingly gentle milking technique. Vindie's departure meant that there were twice-daily milkings, and (what with Helen being so productive), daily cheesemaking and endless searches for recipes that call for milk, to make room for some non-milk food in the fridge. Eventually, Mr Farmer suggested the piglets be weaned and employed as milk-drinkers (since their parents Kim and Cliff have separated and are looking for new homes). Weaning the piglets isn't as simple as it sounds, here on the farm - it involves a lot of chasing on the part of the farmers, and sometimes also on the part of angry mother pigs... However, now that the piglets are weaned, and Kim is back living the life of a young, single and apparently attractive sow, there is ample space in the fridge because the piglets are skilled and dedicated milk drinkers.

Although there was never any DNA evidence, it is quite widely accepted (by everyone except Roger) that Albie is Vindie's biological father. This pleased Albie for a while, until he thought more about the responsibilities of being a father, at which point he got cold feet and moved into the neighbour's paddock. Clearly, since Vindie has departed, Albie has forgotten how daunting fatherhood can be, as he started rutting as soon as Helen came on heat. Happily for Helen, Albie was living on the front lawn by himself at that time, so nothing ever came of it.